ELDERLY LADIES




Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.  One  lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"  The other replies, "Oh sure I  do."  The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"  The second old lady replies, "I suck on a lifesaver."  After a few moments, the first old lady  asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"
 


An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not  blow off in the wind.  A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam.  I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"  "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are  exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.  The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old.  I just bought this hat yesterday!"
 



Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their park bench.  Ethel said, "You know, Mabel, I've been reading this 'Sex and Marriage' book and all they talk about is 'mutual orgasm'.  'Mutual orgasm' here and mutual orgasm' there - that's all they talk about.  Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever have mutual orgasm?"  Mabel thought for a long while.  Finally, she shook her head and said, "No, I think we had State Farm."
 



Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing.  The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used  to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.  The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."